Me trying to express how I feel: Idk I just feel like...idk...idk man. Nvm I'm good.

cheesoisuncool:

new traffic light color ideas

  • purple: turn around and go back
  • mega green: like green except greener. it means that you have to double go.
  • cyan: apply your turbo boosters and do a cool drift or get arrested by the car law
  • black: sucks you into a cyber vortex where you have to do a bonus stage road and collect rings

(via pinsir)

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell

(via fuckyeahloldemort)